Majorly frustrated vent..

Why does it seem that nothing ever works out for us?? We finally get our house (after a few failed closings & all that other house drama) than Kevin loses his job. He finally gets into school & is looking for a job but we get a letter this weekend from our home owners insurance company saying they cancelled us back in NOVEMBER because they never received payment. What? So they wait until February to tell us this? I don't get it at all. So I got a fax from the mortgage company that we closed w/when we bought our house & it said coverage from 11/30/05 through 11/30/06. Now Kevin said he pulled out he mortgage papers & we never paid at closing for it so we need to shell out probably close to $1000 so we can be covered. Why are we paying upwards of $2500/month (and that is a low estimate... it's closer to $2800) in mortgage if our home owners insurance is not included in that??? It was MY understanding that this was all included in the closing fees & that we were covered. Now we have to find money that we really don't have to pay something that I thought was paid previously. I can't stand this stress. No lie... I'm actually so stressed I am feeling chest pains.. I can't handle this. So when I tried to discuss this with Kevin, I get the same thing I always get, "I told you if you'd let me start my own business I could make lots of money & we'd be fine." Why doesn't he understand that I will not let him take the little savings that we have to keep us afloat & toss them away to insurance for a business that I feel will probably flop anyway???? We've talked about it before & I told him when I've finished school & I am teaching & making enough money that he can do what he needs to do & can try it on his own. I thought that was a decent compromise, but keep in mind, he has no business experience, no formal schooling on how to run a business... I feel like he is not realistic about this! His "friend" asked him if he was doing it on the side & he said, "No, my wife won't let me." So his "friend" said that was too bad b/c he had a few people that wanted their bathrooms done. So? Does that mean that they'd hire Kevin? No... not in my mind. And those few people... is what he makes from that going to be enough to pay for the baby's college & our monthly mortgage?? Espeically when you consider that he'd need to get business insurance & everything else.. NO! So why can't he just stop doing this to me? I feel like he's blaming ME that we aren't making more b/c if he just started his own thing it'd be all better. It is not fair to put that extra pressure on me. Right now I really feel like I'm about to snap & putting anything extra on me is not fair!!

I'm sorry I just yelled about all that. I've been trying to keep my posts a little more positive. It's been about a month since he's lost his job and he keeps forgetting to get the paper on Sundays & I am working my ass off & going to school & falling behind.. It is too much & I really don't think I can handle it anymore.. I gotta stop before I start bawling at work..

~Kristina

Some sad news... :(

I just heard the news that one of my fellow Nesties is going through a possible miscarriage. :( I am so sorry Mrs BFW!! I feel so badly for you & your DH!! I hope you know that you are both in my thoughts & I am wishing you lots of luck that things turn out okay. ((HUGS))

I find that the girls on The Nest (as LP said) are such a great support group! It is funny how in my daily conversation with Kevin I might say, "Oh, this girl Christina who I talk to from the Nest..." or something about one of the gilrs comes out of my mouth. It feels really nice to have met such nice people with whom I can talk and share my experiences and feelings and get honest opinions and good advice back! For all of you who have followed me to my new blog & who have been so supportive and helpful through my last couple months of... stuf... thank you! I know I'm not always the most positive person lately & I'm not always the most active poster w/my comments on everyone's website but I try to read as much as possible & keep up with everyone's everything!

I really better get back to my paper that is due Thursday & I'm STILL writing @ 8:26 pm! Hang in there BFW~ we are all thinking about you & hoping for you!


~Kristina

A fun (but unproductive) day

It always seems to get a little I have to give a lot. Today I had a fun day...but in exchange I got absolutely NOTHING accomplished which means I will spend tonight & all day tomorrow working on my homework. ::Sigh:: "Hi...My name is Kristina" (hi Kristina) "I am a procrastinator." The first step is admitting I have a problem; now over coming it is the next step.
So today instead of staying home & writing my paper, reading my texts, or any of the other 1,000,000 things I have to do, I went to the BIGGEST MALL I've ever seen in my life. Kevin & I went to the Bridgewater Mall because I finally had to break down & buy myself some maternity clothes! I'll be 18 weeks in on Tuesday & my baby is approximately 5 1/2" long & 7 oz so needless to say my belly is a bit bigger than before. I went to Mimi Maternity/Motherhood Maternity which is part of Pea in the Pod Maternity. I've always been a plus size girl (my pre-pregnancy size is about an 18/20) so it's never easy to find clothes for me & I figured that finding maternity clothes would not be any easier. I could've ordered online but I need something right away & wanted to be able to try them on rather than get something that didn't fit right & have to send it back & delay the whole process. The ladies that worked there were very nice & helpful. The store (it was one store w/2 sections & each section a different name) looked larger than it was but when I asked & pointed in the direction of the plus size clothes I was shown one rack about 6 feet long~ & that was it! Is it me or is a large percentage of the population "larger" than in the past? Why are there no clothes for bigger girls? And when you finally find some they aren't even cute? So I started looking & wandered off the small corner (that even Kevin commented was ridiculously small) & started looking at the 'regular' clothes that were size XL. I decided to give it a shot & try a pair of black stretchy pants on & to my surprise, they fit! I was pretty excited because it felt good to know I wasn't completely limited to that one rack that I first looked at & found NOTHING. I moved over & found some really cute maternity shirts too that were nice. And the best part was it was almost all on sale! I had a really good time picking out clothes & ended up with 2 pairs of 'work' pants to add to the 3 pairs I already have, a nice blue sweater w/a hood, 2 t-shirts, 1 long sleeve t-shirt, & a few button down shirts. Ok, so maybe I went over board but I was having so much fun! Lately I haven't felt like I looked pregnant, just F-A-T in my regular shirts & clothes that barely fit. When I put these on I feel like I look pregnant & I like how they feel. It was a definite ego boost which I really needed right now. I'll probably take some pix & post them. I'm not one for belly pics (my belly was never a favorite feature of mine..) but I would like to show progress of my changing body. One of these days I'll get around to it!

Well I really do need to get to that paper. I want it to be done this weekend & I haven't even started writing it! Hope you are having a nice weekend too.

~Kristina

My weekend begins!

It is finally..FINALLY.. the weekend. Yea! Not that I can really say I'm going to have a "relaxing and fun" weekend. I have project upon project upon paper to finish for this up coming week of classes. At least this is a three day weekend & I should have more than enough time (knock on wood) to complete everything. Hence the early start... ugh lol.

Last night Kevin & I went to Applebees with the inital plan of dinner and a movie (we received movie passes from his brother for Christmas). We were going to see the new Pink Panther movie. Unfortunately, the wait for dinner was long enough to make us forget the plans for the movie, but we decided that we would go tonight so that I could get a break from homework & we don't get stuck inside all weekend. So I have something to look forward to tonight :) . We had a good dinner & conversation naturally turned to our baby's who's birth seems to be fast approaching. I started to tell him the things I've been thinking about lately just to get his laid-back nonchalant response, "It's gonna be cool!" What? LOL Come on! This is HUGE~ it deserves more than a "this is cool" remark. ::SIGH:: I know he understands the significance of what we are doing & what is coming but I think things have finally been setting in that for me that I am going to be a MOMMY. Not that I didn't know or that it was a sudden surprise, but things have been setting in~ how do people be know how to take care of an infant? I have a lot of experience with kids; babysitting all through high school, daycare in a gym for years, teachers aid in a preschool, and even a nanny for twin 4-year-old girls, but no real expierence with a newborn! It was strange for me to think about how in a few months (ok, 5 give or take) it is going to be me, Kevin, and OUR BABY! It won't be the two of us at night anymore, hanging out, watching tv, maybe having a drink or something... we'll have a BABY to take care of.. to feed.. to bathe.. to change... AAAHHHH! These are not things I haven't thought about, but I think it's finally begining to feel real and I'm a little scared. Ok, that's a bit of an understatement- I am scared. There's going to be a little life depending on me. That is a responsibility I've never taken on before (other than dogs or pets lol but this is a wee-bit different). I hope my "maternal instinct" kicks in because I really am scared.

Ok, well I think it is probably time for me to get down to business and do some serious homework. Hope you have a great weekend! ~Kristina

Can't wait for Friday to be over..

What a week! I can't wait for this weekend to get here~ 3 day weekend! YEA! I really could use the break. It's been extra hard these last couple weeks going to school & working. I've found myself falling asleep on the couch every night by 9 p.m. & than not wanting to wake up in the morning . It is really taking its toll on my school work though.. that's the worst part. I keep falling further & further behind in the readings for my classes & I'm afraid it's really going to be tough when midterms roll around in a couple more weeks! I know the tiredness is my body telling me I need to rest but I know my classes will be telling me I fail if I don't get it together! I have a paper due next Thursday in my History of New Jersey class & a website due for my Technology & the Young Child due on Wednesday, & an interview due for my Disabled Person in American Society due Tuesday so my weekend is going to be spent working on things that I really should've already had mostly done, but haven't really been able to start! It's funny how all of my classes manage to assign projects that are due the very same week..

Now that I've gotten THAT kinda out of my system.. Valentines Day was really pretty nice . Kevin & I went out for dinner at TGIFriday's on Monday night since Tuesday I had class. I brought him his card & candy that night but he said he was waiting until V-day. So he came up & we had lunch together on Tuesday & he brought me a sweet card & some yummy chocolates . I left work at 3:45 to go to class & got a call as I was finally finding parking around 4:30 that FLOWERS had arrived too! Yeah, my Kevin was a sweetie this Vday.. & normally we don't do all that much so it was nice.

I better get back to work (that's me on the right lol).

~Kristina

Monday, Monday..

Monday, Monday... Back to work.

What a snow storm we had this weekend! Apparently it was "the biggest snowfall on record" for the NY area. Our house was dumped on & we have probably around 20" and there's maybe 18" or so at my job. This morning coming in was really tough; it was like they barely plowed the main roads through my town & I was driving through a good couple inches of slippery slush until I go on the major highway. Actually many of the schools were closed this morning. One more reason I can't wait to starting teaching lol... Here are some pics I took

This is what my street looked like at 10:00am-ish~ hours before the snow even stopped!

Kevin finally got a chance to use the snow blower his parents gave him! Yeah, he was thrilled

This is my Roxie girl playing in the snow!

She was having a blast chasing her ball and "swimming" in the snow!

I have a bunch more.. if you want to take a look check them out at My Shutterfly Collection~ among other pics that I've taken & shared .

I made the appointment for my BIG ultra sound today! I am very excited- it is 3 weeks from today on March 6. Even though Kevin & I are waiting on finding out the sex I am dying to see how big our baby has gotten & make sure she/he is healthy. Hopefully I'll get all the blood test results this week from what they took on Friday. I just can't wait to see how it all turns on & see my baby again!

Weird.. I just got an IM from Kevin (he's at his first day of his new job and is IMing me from his cell phone). He said he's taking a break but doesn't know about this job. I asked him why but he said he has a bad feeling... I don't know why he was so vague.. I guess I'll have to wait until later. Honestly I'd prefer he didn't take this job anyway. He'll have to pay for gas & tolls to drive around the state plus wear his car down and put a lot of miles on it. We'll see what he says tonight..

Ok, well I better get back to work

~Kristina

Time for a change..

So after all this time I've spent posting on The Nest I feel that it is definately time for me to move on to "bigger & better things".. ok not really, but I am tired of the same old set up on The Nest, not to mention that I've been getting a lot of junk comments from advertisers that were really starting to bug me. I don't know why they started, but they came out of the blue & I get them almost daily! So anyway here I am posting on my new blog, A day in my life. A little play on the title to the Beatles song "A day in the life". The Beatles are such a great band that I really love listening to whenever I want to relax and reflect, I figured that it was a suitable title for my new blog.

Last night I had my 16 week appointment at the doctor to check on the baby. It went VERY well & I was really happy to find out that the baby's heart beat is going strong! The beats were approximately 140-145 beats/minute, down from last months 156 beats/minute. She said this is because the heart is maturing and will be fully matured around 22 weeks and it is completely normal. She actually found it very quickly. Last time I was there at 12 weeks, she had some difficulty finding it but said that was because my uterus was still not popping out past my pelvis (sorry if TMI). I have definately grown since my last appointment (feelin it in my pants lol) & within five seconds I could hear the soft beating of my baby's heart! I can't describe how good it felt. It could've been the hormones, lol, but my eyes teared up. I glanced over at Kevin & he was smiling too. I brought up the home dopplers that many people are renting now & that I was interested in renting too... but she suggested that I wait until I'm further along and the baby is bigger b/c I don't want to freak myself out when I can't find the heart beat. I had more blood drawn (OUCH!) for a second round of testing for spina bifida, down syndrome, and other chromosomal defects. They also test & make sure my hemoglobin is normal & that I'm not becoming anemic. My health results will probably take a few days, but we should hear the other results in about a week or so (keep your fingers crossed for us!). She also gave me my prescription for my Level 2 ultrasound! I'll call to schedule that on Monday & it will probably be done between 19-20 weeks, she said. That's the BIG ultra sound where I can actually find out the sex & where the doctors will review the baby anatomically for any defects. I can't WAIT to see the baby again & we've decided NOT to find out the sex. We're working on names for now & will *hopefully* have a couple for boys & a couple for girls.

We just got back from taking our oldest dog, Blaize, to the vet. We found out he has lymes disease. We wanted a 2nd opinion since our old vet didn't give him any antibiotics. The vet told us that she would put him on medicine for 2 weeks & if he isn't sick from the medicine we can go back & get him his refill for another 2 weeks. I had been really pissed that our old vet (the one we used until we moved) didn't give us any medicine for him but this vet said that the doctors are split 50/50 over if they should immediately give medicine for lymes or wait until symptoms really appear. At this point we only have the positive for Blaize, but I felt that it would be better to treat him than let it go & hope nothing happens. We'll see.... $94 later.....

Kevin found a new job. (<--- notice the lack of !!). I am not sure how I feel about this. He is excited & sees potentioal to make good money, but I don't know. It is not the typical hourly paid job. It is a salesman for a company that does decks through the Home Depot's At Home Services. If he was paid regular hourly I might be ok, but he'll make commission only- no base salaray or pay... or if he didn't have to drive his own truck everywhere (paying for gas & tolls out of our pocket). But the fact is I'm afraid that he'll spend more $ driving around the state & not selling things than he will make. ::Sigh:: He wants my support & has actually asked me to give it a chance, but it is really hard. The stupid ad in the paper actually advertised making $85,000+/year. Ok, yeah. I'll believe it when I see it. I just told him to PLEASE prove me wrong. He starts on Monday with training. They are putting him into "advanced training" for the first week @ $7.50/hour. This will not even make as much as he did on unemployment. I am just worried & afraid. I wish he could understand that. I know he needs and wants to work, but I want to know that when it comes time for me to leave work & have the baby that we won't starve or anything...

Well, I better get going. Thanks for checkin out my new blog :) Will try to write later~

~Kristina